Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Anthropology 101

If I hear one more person call Caesar a “monkey” I swear to Michele Bachmann’s and Rick Perry’s god I will rip their fucking throat out.

Yeah, I know. That is a pretty fired up reaction to protect a fictional character. But then again I am a crazy Bull Mongoni bastard who learned a long time ago what the Tea Party is demonstrating today. Act crazy enough and people will scatter out of your way and tremble in fear at the mention of your name.

But that is a subject for another column.

Back to some basic anthropology, or primatology to be more precise.



Monkeys are “lesser” primates, less evolved than me, you and Caesar.
And they have a TAIL for crying out loud.

Caesar from Rise of the Planet of the Apes, like all Chimpanzees, is a Great Ape!
He is from the Hominidae family which includes four distinct genera (subdivisions or species), chimpanzees, gorillas, humans, and orangutans.

Yes that is correct. Humans are great apes.
One of four genus that evolved from a common ancestor “Hominidae” that lived roughly 14 million years ago.

Orangutans broke off into their own subfamily Ponginae which eventually became a tribe and then the genera today of the modern Orangutan.

This left the subfamily Homininae from which modern humans, chimpanzees, and gorillas evolved. Further down the line, this subfamily split off into two distinct tribes.

One was the Gorillini from which the genus gorilla evolved, i.e. the modern gorilla.

The second tribe was Homini, the direct ancestors to both modern humans and chimpanzees, the genus homo, and the genus pan.

The homo/pan is a point of contention. Some scientists think there was a gradual separation between 6 to 4.5 million years ago with interbreeding along the way. Others have made credible scientific arguments that based on recent DNA findings “pan” should be in the homo genus and as such would be the only other surviving homo species since the neanderthal became extinct approximately 24,500 years ago.

Okay, that is some of the basics, I could go on forever because the stuff fascinates me.

My point is this.
I am sick and tired of ignorance. I am sick and tired of falsehoods being spouted as gospel. I am sick and tired of how we have become a nation where ignorance and stupidity is considered an asset!

Know what happens when you treasure ignorance and accept lies as truth?
You country gets taken over by a small group of deluded radicals who will extort and lie and do whatever it takes to get what they want.

NO the earth is NOT fucking 6000 years old!

NO the founding fathers did NOT fight tirelessly to end slavery!

NO “god” did NOT tell you to run for President Rick Perry!

And NO mother fucking NO Caesar is not a goddamn monkey!
He is an APE just like YOU!


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